Why Do Some Memories Overwhelm Us While Others Don’t?

When Memories Take Over: Trauma and Parts Work

Have you ever revisited a memory and felt completely consumed by it, as though you were right back there? Your heart races, your chest tightens, and you feel that same rush of panic or fear you experienced in the moment. But other times, you can think about a difficult moment without feeling any of these reactions—like you’re just observing it from a safe distance.

Why do some memories trigger such intense reactions while others don’t? And what does this have to do with how our nervous system and sense of self work? Let’s dive into the problem and explore a solution that involves understanding trauma, our body’s responses, and how healing can help us reclaim control.

The Problem: When Memories Hijack Your Nervous System

Memories are not just stored in our brains; they’re stored in our bodies. When you recall a memory, especially a traumatic one, your nervous system doesn’t distinguish between “past” and “present.” Here’s what happens when a memory hijacks your system:

1. Biochemical Changes Mimic the Past: Your brain and body react as if the event is happening now. Stress hormones flood your system, and physical sensations tied to the trauma—like a racing heart or a tight chest—reappear.

2. Fragmentation During Trauma: In moments of extreme stress, a part of you might have “split off” to protect the whole. This part holds onto the trauma, including the emotions, sensations, and autonomic state (like fight, flight, or freeze).

3. Triggering the Fragmented Part: When you revisit the memory, this part gets activated and pulls you into its unresolved emotional and physiological state. You lose the ability to observe the memory from a calm, regulated perspective.

This is why some memories feel so overwhelming. They aren’t just thoughts—they’re whole-body experiences tied to a part of you that hasn’t yet healed.

The Solution: Integrating the Past to Reclaim the Present

The key to revisiting difficult memories without being overwhelmed lies in integration. When the fragmented part is no longer stuck in its trauma state, it stops hijacking your nervous system.

Step 1: Understand the Role of Parts

In trauma, parts of us can fragment and hold onto specific memories or sensations. These parts aren’t “bad”—they’re protective. Their goal is to shield us from danger, even if their methods feel overwhelming. To integrate these parts, we need to:

• Recognize when a part is active (e.g., noticing physiological changes like tightness or a racing heart).

• Understand that these parts are trying to help, even if their methods feel outdated or painful.

• Build a relationship with these parts, offering them safety and compassion.

Step 2: Create Safety in the Nervous System

Before revisiting a traumatic memory, it’s crucial to anchor yourself in regulation. This means grounding yourself in the present and calming your nervous system. Tools like:

• Breathwork: Slower, diaphragmatic breathing signals safety to the body.

• Somatic Tracking: Observing physical sensations without judgment.

• Pendulation: Moving between a safe memory and the traumatic one to show the nervous system it’s possible to switch states.

Step 3: Revisit with Regulation

Once anchored, you can revisit a memory without being hijacked. This is where the magic happens:

• Instead of reliving the memory through the lens of the fragmented part, you view it from your regulated self.

• This shift allows you to process the memory, reintegrating the part and helping it release its grip on your nervous system.

Why Does This Work?

When we revisit a traumatic memory in a dysregulated state, the memory feels like it’s happening now because the fragmented part takes over. This part is stuck in the autonomic state of the trauma, unable to see that the danger has passed.

However, when we approach the memory from a regulated state, we bring the part into the present. This allows it to integrate with the rest of us, shifting from a “stuck” protector to a balanced part of our whole self.

What Does Healing Look Like?

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll forget the trauma. It means you’ll remember it differently. Instead of being overwhelmed by the memory, you’ll be able to observe it with compassion and clarity. You’ll notice:

• A decrease in physical reactions (like tightness or racing heart) when recalling the memory.

• An ability to reflect on the experience without feeling consumed by it.

• A sense of wholeness, where the fragmented part feels safe and integrated into your sense of self.

Moving Forward

Trauma doesn’t have to define your relationship with the past. By understanding how memories and fragmented parts impact your nervous system, you can begin to reclaim control. Through integration, regulation, and compassion, you can transform overwhelming memories into something that no longer holds you hostage.